Honesty VS Feelings
In an intimate relationship, Man's greatest fear is being misunderstood. In truth he wishes to be loving and gentle with his partner, but fears the appearance of being weak. It is for this reason that he will often put up a façade of not being a "Mister Nice Guy." I do not include the Male Chauvinist or Abusers in this train of thought; they have issues that even I won't go into.
The traits I refer to are deeply ingrained action/reactions taught from birth to adulthood. The best examples I can give is when a man's wife wants to show him a spontaneous act of love, such as a hug or kiss. His first reaction is a feeling of unease, or fear of an action/reaction situation about to turn sour, if not handled properly. This can be disastrous if his mind is not focused on what transpired moments before he is given the sudden attention.
In the beginning of a relationship, it is normal to have misunderstandings, as each of you work out your emotional needs and differences. How a man and a woman iron out these differences will set the course for how healthy their relationship will be. The key here is honesty and communication. Keep in mind the KEY to communication is listening to your partner's words and correlate it with their body language.
I have been told that I tend to wander from the subject at hand. I can only assume this is because I prefer to write an article in one sitting, as the subject is still fresh in my mind. In truth, I guess my main difficulty is trying to tie the significance of two separate subjects. A case in point is Honesty.
Honesty is more than just a Boy Scout oath or telling the truth. Honesty and Trust is the basis of being true to your self. By a man's knowledge and understanding of his own needs and fears is the only way that he will be able to deal with them as each new Event Horizon takes place. I place honesty over trust any day
Honesty and Communication
To this day, when a man gets in touch with his feelings and what is going on in his relationship, sometimes he has the sense of being used. This feeling is of being used either as the wallet, due to the fact that the man is expected to pay things, or the garbage man, having to do the dirty work. On the flip side, some women see themselves being used as a service station or as an appliance.
They both tend to feel that they are being loved only for their usefulness and not for whom they truly are, and they then become resentful. If they are both locked into their roles, when conflicts do arise, they are unable to resolve them in a positive way, which causes the foundation of their relationship to fall apart. The first step in breaking the self-made molds that we place ourselves in is to acknowledge that the stereotype that we are taught is sometimes more fantasy than reality.
When a relationship ends, too often I hear people say that no one is to blame. They say, "We just didn't grow together as a couple" or "We just drifted apart". I will have to admit that I have had my share of "It just wasn't meant to be" relationships. However, there is a time when you have to stop and ask yourself why. Was there something I could have done differently?
More often than not, you will answer your own question and say to yourself "If I had been honest with myself and with my partner, and expressed my feelings more, perhaps things would have ended up differently".
In my previous article I wrote about how honesty and trust must work hand in hand. So it is true about honesty and communication
Overcoming Our Fears
Objective fear is a valuable protection mechanism. By contrast, irrational fear is destructive whenever it stops a person from taking needed actions. Fortunately, the paralyzing effects of irrational fear can be overcome with direct, conscious effort. For example, if a person concurs what he or she fears the most they will find it emotionally rewarding.
Fear of being hurt or rejected prevents the development of many romantic-love relationships. That fear keeps a person defensive which, in turn, prevents emotional openness with his or her partner. And that openness is necessary for developing romantic love.
The achievement of romantic love involves a willingness to take risks. Over coming the fear of being hurt by being open. A person is always hurt by faking or concealing emotions from one's self or a loved one. Denial of feelings traps a person into emotionally repressive situations that diminish the potential for love and happiness. Being emotionally honest and open is the safest, happiest way to live. Being emotionally open, however, does not mean projecting emotions onto others or blaming one's emotional or personal problems on others.
Blaming others for one's personal or emotional problems is not only irrational, but unfair, and keeps a person from solving his or her own problems. Consistently acting on rational premises and being loyal to honesty builds confidence in a person's own worth. Rationality and honesty, in turn, help remove the fear that prevents people from venturing into new growth areas, including romantic love. Rationality, fairness, and honesty act as powerful protectors when venturing into unexplored areas, are ranging from business to love relationships
What he really needs
When Women receives love in a way that makes it hard to return she begins to feel hollow in a sense that it doesn't make her happy even though it's supposed to. This is because until men can communicate with women and let them know what they really want, neither side will truly experience how well a man can love.
What women need to find out is what their mates really need, with out giving into his selfish side, so he can learn to give with out it seeming to cost an arm and a leg. This will take patience, since many men have no real idea of there own needs and the ones they do know about they have no idea how to express, with out seeming weak. As part of this learning process, women need to constantly check back with their own needs to be sure that they're cravings are not beginning to rage out of control but being nurtured in a giving and loving way that they want. To be able to do this the woman must be able to accept his response without criticizing or getting defensive.
It may seem hard to believe but Men do try to express their love, but many women don't make it easy for them. This is understandable when you consider that the "L" word holds many meanings and is used too often with out thought of the consequences.
Many men will begin to doubt their love just because the woman keeps pressuring him to prove it!
Because men and women show their love differently, too often women don't believe that a man's love is for real. On the other hand men find it hard showing their affection, sometimes what they say from the heart comes out as misconstrued or something they don't mean.
When things are not cut and dried in relationship men will often give up in frustration when there feeling are misunderstood or in doubt they feel the accusations are unfair. The more a man's loving feelings are doubted or misunderstood, the deeper their confusion and anger gets.
The fear to commit stems from the fear of suddenly learning that they may be a lousy partner. In this computer age the concept of multitasking is a must yet it can also be said it is main cause of Mans Communication Breakdown.
Generally speaking mind you, men do their best when they can focus the energy on one task. When they complete that task they move on to the next task etc....
Women on the other hand "generally speaking" must constantly juggle many tasks successfully in order to achieve the their goals. The main reason for this is because they often have to deal with work issues, family situations, plan tonight's meal, prepare the kids lunches for tomorrow, pick up the laundry, and have dinner ready when their "hard" working mate comes home from work.
Once all his tasks are done as a rule with out malice of thought he will kindly inform his mate she should learn time management, as he sets out for some fun time.
It is here that the women needs to realign their mate so that they well want to share some of the responsibilities. But if you want this to be a successful venture, it must be done by ONE TASK, at a time, slowly over time.
Constant criticism of your mate when he feels it is unwarranted or if it makes no sense to him can damage the relationship. Men will react to the criticism by becoming emotionally detached, because they will start doubting their ability to love.
As a rule men weren't raised to be intimate, but they do try. Accepting the way that they are, and the fact that they do express love in their own way, is a good way to begin bringing out the best in them.
Casual Sex Vs Monogamy
Sex is always an exchange of rational values between partners.. But, sex without serious values (i.e., casual sex) cannot deliver pleasures and is eventually self-destructive. There must be a continuous exchange of values in order to enhances personal worth and is the basis of romantic-love.
The difference between serious and casual sex is not always obvious on the surface. But the difference always appears at the base of every relationship. While the actual sexual activity of serious sex can and often does have interludes of lightness and fun, the meaning behind every act is serious and important. But sex on a casual basis done only for "fun" is a diminishing experience that erodes self-esteem.
On the other hand, a serious sexual affair will always produce growth and values so long as the relationship is based on mutual honesty, and respect. In a value-based sexual relationship, pleasures are linked to a mutual reflection of each partner's personal values and worth.
Unlike casual sexual relationships, serious relationships have no bounds or limits to personal values that can be exchanged. The value of a serious romantic relationship can grow so great that a person would give, if necessary, all of one's possessions, even one's own life, to protect his or her partner.
The Benefit of an exclusive partner
Few people if any can benefit from a multi-partner relationship. Not only because of emotional conflicts but because of the time and effort developing and cultivating a love relationship with just one partner. One must be aware that the amount of time required to develop valuable multi-partner relationships could deprive an individual of the time needed to fully develop other aspects of life. The biggest negative of multi-partner relationships involves the nature of primal sex: Romantic love works best when structured around long-term, monogamous relationships.
Why? Because continuous efforts and experiences with an exclusive partner deliver the most intimacy, growth, and values. Thus, the most erotically exciting and sexually satisfying experiences by nature evolve from long-term, monogamous relations.
And today, the rise of incurable herpes and deadly AIDS adds a new dimension to the advantages of monogamous, romantic-love relationships.
VALUE OF EMOTIONS
Emotions are our most powerful feelings. Happiness, Sorrow, Pleasure and Pain are measured through emotions based on current and past experiences. The value of negative emotions is a part of the foundation that our decisions are based on.
Ego tends to over rule our emotions for understanding and dealing honestly with our feelings. A person's emotional well-being to be either happy or un- happy, depends on wither or not they can be honest with them selves on what their true personal feelings are. We can not let our ego keep us from being honest with our true feelings. Ego must work in tandem with our emotions in order for us to make reliable judgments.
We often use term sense of guilt when we really mean the feeling of guilt. Guilt can not be measured by variable degrees.
The five senses are: sight sound touch taste smell guilt to fully experience his or her earned emotions of happiness, pleasure, love, Happiness, pleasure, and love can be experienced only through emotions. Which that person has rejected or accepted mysticism that warning signs that a person is acting contrary to one's nature, well-being, and happiness.
Emotions deliver the ultimate human rewards and penalties. Such emotions depend on the life a person chooses to create and live.. A person must reject mysticism to effectively perceive and integrate reality - to effectively solve problems of growth and develop the competence needed to earn prosperity, power, and love. That, in turn, delivers the self-esteem and emotional content needed to experience abiding well-being, pleasures, and romantic love.
Everyone controls his or her wide-range emotions (i.e., being fundamentally happy or unhappy) through one's constant, volitional choice to be honest or dishonest - to act through business-like thinking or through mystical thinking. Neo-Tech Power Human pleasures and happiness are experienced by sensory and emotional means. To fully experience pleasure and happiness, a person must develop an integrated awareness of emotions along with a guiltless acceptance of these emotions. But first, a person must solidly establish the psychological, and productivity positions to provide the self-esteem necessary for romantic love and pleasures. Then that person must reject To the extent that a person represses emotions is the extent that the person denies that part of reality needed to experience earned pleasures and happiness - which is the moral purpose of human life. The human organism must experience emotions in order to psychologically live.
If a person continually diminishes self awareness or represses emotions, that person will steadily lessen his or her capacity to feel emotions. To compensate for that deadening of feelings that person must take increasing stronger measure to feel something until the only feeling left to feel is pain. But that person must feel something, so he or she strives to feel pain. And the easiest, quickest route to feel pain is through destructive actions rationalized through fear of failure. Also as a person diminishes his or her awareness and integration capacities, the initiation of longer range, positive actions becomes increasingly difficult. At the same time that person increasingly succumbs to his inner fears in selection more and more destructive actions in order to feel something. Destructive actions taken to feel something includes but not limited to using drugs or alcohol, promiscuity, injurious masochism or sadism.
